If you or a loved one is struggling with thoughts of suicide, PLEASE call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Self-destructiveness is something many of us experience when it comes to living with addictions and mental health issues. It takes many of us a long time, sometimes years, to realize that our self-destructiveness is at the root of many of our issues. Oftentimes we are so caught up with the surface issues, the drugs and substances, the people we are in addictive relationships with, and the other addictive behaviors and thought patterns we’ve developed, that we fail to see what is driving us – a fundamental lack of self-love.
When we don’t love ourselves, we don’t prioritize our wellbeing or our safety. We engage in high risk, even dangerous, behaviors. We stay in abusive relationships. We engage in self-harm. Our thought patterns are often full of self-hatred, based on our fears that we aren’t good enough, that we don’t measure up, that we can’t compete. We tell ourselves that we don’t deserve love, that we aren’t worthy or lovable.
Our self-talk reflects this self-hatred. We treat ourselves with unkindness and cruelty. We call ourselves names. We insult ourselves. We belittle, demean and degrade ourselves. We don’t value ourselves, and often we are self-deprecating by default. With every chance we get, we mentally knock ourselves down. We often feel like we don’t have anything to live for, like death would be an easier alternative to our suffering. We contemplate suicide because the pain feels unbearable.
At the root of our fears and self-destructiveness there is often an underlying source of trauma we haven’t yet healed from. Oftentimes our self-loathing comes directly from shame. We carry guilt from the mistakes and wrongs of our past. We even feel guilt for the ways in which we were abused and mistreated. We come to believe that we are shameful, evil people who don’t deserve forgiveness. We carry regrets that we can’t forgive ourselves for, and the weight of it makes us feel even more unworthy and depressed, causing us to continue with our patterns of self-destruction.
Over time as we perpetuate these thought patterns and continue with our addictions, we are continuously programming our subconscious minds to be even more self-hating and self-destructive. Our relationships worsen, and our issues escalate. We might experience breakdowns in our mental and emotional health, go on binges with our drugs of choice, and put ourselves in harm’s way even more.
Recognizing that our addictions and mental health issues have self-destructiveness as a major underlying theme can help us to work through the behaviors and thought patterns that are standing in the way of our recovery.
We are here to support you in your recovery process. Call (575) 586-5078.