Those of us with addictions and mental health issues often find ourselves in codependent relationships that are unhealthy, toxic and abusive. We cling to our partners out of fear of losing them. We are terrified of being alone. We have deep-rooted fears of abandonment, often from traumatic childhood experiences such as the separation of our families or the death of a loved one.
We find it increasingly hard to heal ourselves or focus on our recovery because we are entangled in unhealthy relationship patterns. Oftentimes our relationships are volatile, even violent, and they can greatly contribute to our depression and anxiety. We might find ourselves engaging in our addictive behaviors even more because we are in so much distress about our relationships. Our partners are often addicts themselves, and we enable each other’s addictions, compound each other’s issues and hinder our progress. We may become totally consumed with the issues in our relationship, leaving us without the time, space or energy to focus on ourselves. As the state of our relationship worsens, we are prolonging our suffering and that of our partner. We feel increasingly sad, scared, hopeless and desperate. We get caught in toxic cycles of leaving then going back. We often feel instinctively that the relationship isn’t healthy for us. We may even inflict abuse on our partner and/or stay in situations where we are being abused.
We convince ourselves to fight for love. We tell ourselves that love trumps all else. We want so desperately to believe that things will get better, that we’ll be able to heal, and that our partner will too. We may even get counseling together or both get treatment, in the hopes that both of us will recover and the relationship will succeed. We are so afraid of letting go and losing this person that sometimes we become blinded to the truth – that our relationships often stand in the way of our recovery.
When we are focused externally rather than internally, we are not giving our full energy to our inner selves and to our healing. When we are primarily focused on a relationship, it’s very hard to think for ourselves, to do what is best for ourselves, or to prioritize ourselves. We lose our sense of self, our direction, our personal identity and autonomy. We might be afraid that we can’t survive on our own. We might not be able to envision a future for ourselves without this person.
Recovery requires us to be brave and to find the strength within ourselves to choose healing. This can often mean prioritizing our own independence and making the difficult decision to remove ourselves from the toxic relationships standing in the way of our recovery.
Recovery is difficult, but you don’t have to go it alone. We’re here to help. Call Vista Taos at (575) 586-5078.
